come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
