Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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