I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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