Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Randomize
