after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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