Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
