It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Randomize
