How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
