Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
