Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
