youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize