looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize