No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
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