my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
