I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
