Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
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