Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
