after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
