he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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