My entire life is one complicated drinking game
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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