i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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