WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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