I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
