if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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