So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
