I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize
