Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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