the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
