i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Randomize
