Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
