yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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