So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
