I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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