some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Randomize
