I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
