im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
