South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
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