I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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