when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
