you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
