what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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