i think i have two assholes
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
