Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(860): View more from Connecticut

Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.

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(515): View more from Iowa

This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.

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(202): View more from Washington, DC

Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it

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(574): View more from Indiana

Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.

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(440): View more from Ohio

Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"

(1-440): View more from Ohio

Perfectly normal.

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(520): View more from Arizona

It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated

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(805): View more from California

You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.

(1-805): View more from California

watch me

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(508): View more from Massachusetts

No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that

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(818): View more from California

I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.

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