I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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