i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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