My friends, they love my intelligence
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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