I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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