Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Randomize
