I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
