Kiss
Puke
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
