I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
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