he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I deserve this hangover.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
