guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
