Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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