OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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