His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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