I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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