I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
