I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
