Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
