is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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