im having a threesome with these popsicles
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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