Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
