I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
