but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize