If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
