I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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