Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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