i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
i think i scared a bird with my dick
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Randomize
