Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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