Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
im six kinds of drunk right now
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
