it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
