I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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