I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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