Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
