so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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