yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
