woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
