im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
