Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
