I didn't shave. On purpose
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Randomize
