I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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