Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
