the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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