Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Randomize
