i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
