From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
