I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
