I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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