I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Is it penis luge time yet?
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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