there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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