You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize