I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
