did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
