I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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