My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
