Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
