If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
