Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize