He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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