u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
