Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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