everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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