me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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